Loneliness in the era of endless connectivity

I often look back at my childhood and how I grew up, I don't really remember having a strong sensation of loneliness.

I remember how we used to randomly meet kids our own age playing outside, we would hit it off have fun and plan to meet the next day at the same place at a specific time, and it worked like clock work, everything was fine, even though we had no way of really reaching to each other, besides the place we agree to meet.

I remember waiting anxiously by the house phone when I am expecting a call, as if you missed it, you wont know you got a call and would have to wait for the next time that person called.

Also it was was hilarious how the phone line was connected to the internet, we had to ask for permission to use the internet as it would mean the phone line would not be available at that time.

Back then everything about technology was fascinating, learning how to 'google' things, well back then it was 'Yahoo!', just looking at everything online these online chatrooms, playing games, then later on going on Myspace and Hi5, Microsoft messenger. Life was good!

The most memory that sticks out, is me looking forward to going home after school and immediately signing in to messenger to talk to my friends and wait for my crush to message me first.

These days feel like we are living in a paradox! with the endless ways for us to be connected, yet we are more disconnected today than ever.

Everyone I know or meet is going through the same thing. People don't have real friendships anymore, and no I don't mean people you hangout with, I am referring to that person you know will dedicate time to hear you out, keep your secret, help you, be there for you, whatever it is that you need!

If you were to reflect at all the people you met, is there a pattern that stands out to you on why your friendships did not last or manifest towards a deep, real, authentic level of friendship?

Is it pattern you notice about yourself, or about others?

For me, I noticed that most people want the 'easy' way, no confrontation, no rawness or honestly, just jokes and a good time. I picked up that most of us don't know how to communicate with each other, we are always afraid of getting hurt, or being misunderstood, having endless scenarios playing in our mind without trying to open up.

“Connecting with others gives us a sense of inclusion, connection, interaction, safety, and community. Your vibe attracts your tribe, so if you want to attract positive and healthy relationships, be one! Staying connected and getting reconnected feeds the flow of goodness which empowers our humanity.” -Susan C. Young

Another major factor I noticed which contributes to our loneliness, is social media, we are obsessed with watching other peoples lives, giving us the illusion that we know them when we actually don't.

When we watch our friends stories or posts we feel we know how their weekend went, what they did what they ate, who they were with and so on...we no longer feel the need to get to know someone because we have this fake illusion that we are all caught up.

The reality is we are lonely because we don't know how to connect, we lost touch with the art of connectivity, to have a one to one, or meaningful conversations. Our minds are fired chasing after that job, working hard, always pushing ourselves to do more, to want to prove to everyone that we have it all together. We don't have it all together there is always going to be room for growth, there is always something you could learn from a stranger.

One of my favorite quotes by Daniel Goleman:

“Self-absorption in all its forms kills empathy, let alone compassion. When we focus on ourselves, our world contracts as our problems and preoccupations loom large. But when we focus on others, our world expands. Our own problems drift to the periphery of the mind and so seem smaller, and we increase our capacity for connection - or compassionate action.” - D.G.

I would like to encourage you to look around you really closely and analyze your relationships with people, what could you do better to help this relationship manifest, what would they need to do in return?

Allow yourself to be the friend you always needed, be aware of the world around you, notice peoples energies, and most importantly always trust your instinct!

Wishing you peace and serenity

Farah,

Wellness Coach

United Arab Emirates, Dubai